For the first time on Thursday morning Astrid didn't cry when I left for work. Friday morning she didn't cry as well, but I left super early so she might not have understood that I was leaving for work right then. Two mornings without tears. Woohoo!Just when I thought she was getting used to mommy leaving for work; on Saturday I went into the office to do some work and when I said goodbye Astrid started crying. This time she wasn't with our nanny; she was with Uwe. It's nothing against Uwe or our nanny, it's just that Astrid is very attached to me because I stayed home with her for the first 10 months of her life. She stops crying shortly afterward, but needs to be distracted by something else, and it tugs at my heart strings.
Last week Uwe and I talked about the crying that starts when I leave for work and Uwe mentioned that Astrid never cries when he leaves for work, and was a little hurt by the lack of tears. Of course I pointed out that Astrid's used to him going to work and coming home late, but she's used to spending all day with me. Then Friday evening Uwe proudly announced that Astrid cried when he left for work that morning. I had to laugh because here I am pained by the tears, but Uwe feels like "that's my girl".
How long does it take for a baby to get used to their mother leaving for work everyday, and for the crying to stop?
I don't suppose she understands where I'm going, but you'd think she would get used to the routine and be reassured by mommy always coming home at a certain time everyday. At least I'm hoping that will happen. I don't want her (or myself) to be traumatized every time I have to leave for the office.
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2 comments:
Rose, I think she will get used to it in time but what a heart breaker! I made the choice not to work--selfishly I didn't want to pay someone to take care of my child. Also, for me, if my child became attached to the nanny (and we would want our child to be happy with their nanny) I would be so jealous--no, I would still stay home today! The only career I ever wanted was to be a Mom and wife, and now Grandma. Tough choices for young women with ambition today, I think. I hope things settle down and she adapts, for your sake and hers.
Jeannie
Rose, I really am feeling for you right now. I know this territory myself.
It took awhile for my son, and we still have mornings where he cries about going to preschool. Those days are few and far between now, thank goodness.
Here's my theory on why it took TK awhile to stop crying every time I left. It was perfectly natural for him to feel a certain amount sadness when I left, and at that age, crying is how little dudes handle any amount of grief, sadness or frustration. That doesn't mean it's damaging in the long term, or even in the short term. (Like Astrid, my son stopped shortly after I left.) I don't think it is. I think they're just experiencing normal feelings. And the really important thing is that a child's parents and caregivers support and validate those feelings, while still helping him or her deal with the situation by using techniques like distraction.
Of course, none of this helped me deal with the pain I felt when it happened. The only thing I could do was take a couple of conscious breaths, remind myself that 1) TK was in a good environment, 2) I was doing what I had determined to be in my family's best interest, and 3) it was okay, inevitable and healthy that I was having these feelings myself.
Anyway, I know where you're coming from. This stuff is hard. It might be sort of a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of thing for awhile, though maybe she'll surprise you.
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