Your three year old - friend or enemy

A coworker of U.'s gave him a book from 1976 about child development - one about 3 year olds and another about 4 year olds - since Astrid is now 3 1/2. The book is by Louise Bates Ames & Frances L. llg - from the Gesell Institute of Child Development.

Even though the book is over 30 years old - the same principals still apply. Wanted to share a couple that really spoke to me:

1) "It is important to keep in mind, at a time like this, that your child is not your enemy. Those times when a child is at his worst are often the times when he needs the most help from you. He is not behaving as he does just to be naughty. He is behaving as he does because that is the way his physical self functions at this time in his life. He really cannot help being the way he is, so it is you who have to help him."

2) "What can you do to help things go smoothly for both of you? First of all, accept the fact that at this age the child's big emotional struggle is with his mother. She is the one who matters supremely to him. She is the one he needs to conquer. Almost any young child is at his best but also at his worst with his own mother: Never more so than now."

I was repeating this mantra to myself as Astrid refused to wear socks and tennis shoes while dressing for school one morning. She's going through this stage where she only wants to wear tights and dress shoes everyday to school.

The book also notes that although 3 1/2 year olds appear outwardly to be very confident and secure - it's not so - at this age they're extremely insecure. This manifests itself in: 1) "Don't look at me!", 2) "Don't laugh at me!" , 3) nail biting etc. (I had to remind Astrid just now to stop biting her nails. She's home sick from school with a cold.)

They also reflect on their past. It was interesting that Astrid keeps retelling her baby story of how she was born, Papa cutting her umbilical chord, and also new insights such as "I was in your tummy when I was a baby right?" "When I was a baby I couldn't walk or talk right?" This is a way for them not only reflect but to also highlight their accomplishments (i.e., walking and talking and coloring, etc.).

Nothing earth shattering here, but interesting to be able to put this stage of development into context with the child's life development.

Things she does at 3 years, 1 month, 2 weeks and 3 days old

Astrid counts to 20 on her own. When prompted she'll count to her mid 30's.
One day at the YMCA a teenager heard Astrid counting and commented, "She skipped 16."
I responded, "Yeah, she's 3."
To which she said, "Oh. Well than that's really good."

She sings the "do re me" song from The Sound of Music (jumbling up the lyrics like a 3 year old - but I'm fascinated that she memorized the song so quickly):
Doe a deer a female deer
Ray a drop of golden sun
Me a name I call myself
Fa a long long way to run
Sew a needle pulling thread
La a note to follow sew
Tea a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Doe Doe Doe Doe

She loves to sing.

There's a song that one of her teachers at school taught her that goes,
"We say goodbye to our friends. Sayonara!"
She just butchers Sayonara to death - but it's so cute.

She demands watching an episode of Cailou (U. describes it as a dumb cartoon with a kid in it which is really lame.) or Dragon Tales before going to bed at night.

She knows the days of the week - and can say them on her own (with just a couple mistakes)
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
This comes straight from preschool. However, I reinforce it when I tell her that she has gymnastics class and music class on Tuesdays and dance class on Saturday. And everyday I remind her what day it is.

Everything is "yesterday" - but she's getting better with understanding the concept of time.
"My birthday yesterday right?"
"I go to Gymnastics class yesterday."
"We go to nesteraunt (restaurant) yesterday."

Yesterday she asked me, "Mama we go yesterday or last night?"

She's screaming in her room when U. puts her to bed tonight and I hear her yell, "No! Mama puts me to bed!" (Yes, still very much super attached to me. She wants me to brush her teeth, change her clothes, etc. It can only be done by me and not by papa.)

She snapped "No!" at me and afterwards we had a discussion about how she can't say that to mama. (It wasn't just a "no" I don't want to do that which I wouldn't have minded. But this was a bad behavior shouting of "No!" that was unacceptable.) I made her apologize to me and then gave her a hug. Another time she was right about to shout "No!" when she stopped after the "n" sound catching herself and instead said, "I no say NO to mama. I don't do that." and gave me a big smile.

I have no problems with her saying "No" to peer pressure though. Friends of ours have a 6 year old and he was trying to get her to do stuff and she would just say "no" and walk away. I love that she's independent like that at 3.

If you would have told me I'd be talking like this with a straight face one day, I would have thought you were nuts:
Today's conversation in the restroom at Whole Foods:
Astrid: Mama go pee pee too?
Me: Yes, mama has to go pee pee too.
Astrid: No poo poo? Just pee pee?
Me: That's right. Just pee pee.
Astrid: You go pee pee already?
Me: Yes, I'm going pee pee. I'm almost done.
(This from the woman who when I first talked to Astrid's Pediatrician about potty training I used the word "urinate".)

When I pick Astrid up from preschool now she'll tell both afternoon teachers good-bye:
"Bye Miss Angie!"
"Bye Miss Marguerite!"
And say good-bye to her friends:
"Bye everybody!"
And sometimes hugs her friends before leaving. Very sweet to watch.

She's been singing "Brother John" a lot lately and one morning she stood at the front of our bed and told us to hush and showed us how she was ringing the bells "ding ding dong". I had a eureka moment - that must the song she's singing and performing at her Spring Program at school, which is why her costume will be overalls and a plaid shirt underneath - they're going as farmers!

The next morning on the drive to school on Monday, (after an evening with the babysitter on Sunday so I could go watch a movie), Astrid told me:
Astrid: "Mama? I miss you yesterday."
Me: "You missed me?"
Astrid: "Yeah. So much! I miss mama so much! I cry for mama."
Happy to see her expressing her feelings. Tugged a bit on my heart strings, but not a lot of guilt, because it was great to see a movie shot in China, about a true life story (and our babysitter is great - Astrid told me how she danced with her and read books to her).

Astrid can now hold up 3 fingers to show three. (holding up the ring finger is a feat for a 3 year old).

We have this puzzle map of the 50 states of the United States. It's not easy, especially since the pieces are free floating which makes some of the smaller cluster states especially challenging. Astrid used to always plead for help to finish the puzzle. (U. and I can't even count the number of times we've put that puzzle together.) One day I looked up and she had completed it all on her own without any assistance.

Kinder gym class

At the end of class Ms. Iris brings out a drum and announces it's "sticker time". All the kids come together to get stickers and stamps on their hands. Those that are waiting can play the drum. Astrid and Ava playing the drum together.
We went to Peekaboo Playland recently (our first time) and lo and behold Ava was there (the girl sitting next to Astrid). The two little girls instantly recognized one another, and walked towards one another. Astrid said, "Ava", and Ava said, "Astrid." Since then Astrid will ask me where Ava is, or try to tell me that Ava wore her hair in pig tails today. Astrid has started making friends in the class. There are two girls and one boy that she plays with. It's very cute to watch.

After class three of us mom stuck around to let the kids play together and to chat. The other little girl and boy had played together before so Astrid was the newcomer in their circle. I watched as she went to join them and the 2 toddlers got up and walked away. I was happy to see that Astrid didn't give up. She joined them at the drum and started playing along with them, all the while chatting away. Soon both kids accepted her and started playing with her. Especially the boy whose full attention Astrid had captured by talking away and pointing out different things to him.
Her motor development has improved greatly in just the last month. She now can climb up this plank without my assistance. Before she needed to hold my hand to do it, but now it's all about "self self" - she wants to do it by herself.She loves climbing all over this wooden play structure.As well as sitting on top to watch all of the activity below.Going down the slide.Wearing her sticker.This slide is quite fast, as it's at a steep angle, so if she goes down it by herself she'll use her feet to slow herself down.Watching an older kid land on her feet as she goes down the slide.Playing with a gymnastics ribbon.On her way up again.

This two day a week class is great exercise and social development for her. They also play music and sing and dance.Astrid can also climb up a ladder now by herself. (She's all about the ladder in the pool as well.)It's always exciting to see Astrid being able to do new things that she wasn't able to do before.

Keeping up with the Jones' (Astrid can say her name & age)

Uwe and I aren't the type who worry about what everyone else has in terms of material things. However we have a totally different kind of a "Keeping up with the Jones'."

In a classroom setting like Astrid's gymnastics class, we'd like Astrid to be able to say her name and how old she is. Granted she's in a class with many older kids who can say full sentences, but she's in this class because the younger class was not challenging enough for her physical development.

So today we taught Astrid to say her own name and age. Astrid is a difficult name to say. But lo and behold Astrid was able to repeat it back to us. When prompted with "What's your name?" She would answer "Astrid" in the cutest little baby voice. When we ask, "How old are you?" Astrid will say "Two" and try to hold up 2 fingers.

We're going to keep it up so that next time Uwe and Astrid are at the Little Gym, when sitting in a circle and she's asked her name and how old she is, she'll be able to answer in that adorable baby voice of her and make her parents proud.

Fun with flash cards

A couple months ago I bought 3 boxes of flash cards for Astrid at Costco: 1) picture words (Astrid's favorite), 2) colors and shapes, and 3) numbers.

Although the packaging says it's for children age 3+ years old, and Astrid isn't yet 2, I thought it would give Astrid a jump start on learning new words, shapes, and numbers. Plus I thought it would be something fun and easy for my nanny to do each day with Astrid to help her learn.

At first Astrid loved to pull the cards out one by one and have us tell her what the word was. She started to associate the picture with the word. For example: When she pulled the card with the picture of burning logs she would shout out "Hot!" Or when she pulled the picture of the snowman in winter wonderland she'd shout out "Cold!" There's also a picture of an octopus eating spaghetti, and Astrid knows that's the card for "eat". She also knows the card for "off" and "on". And then there are some cards that are confusing. For instance there's a picture of a hippo sitting down at a table and he's holding a crayon in his hand. Whenever Astrid sees this card she says "eat". I can see how the crayon may look like an eating utensil.

Lately she's gotten into the habit of dumping all the cards out onto the floor and picking up the ones she knows and shouting out their names. There's a card with a picture of a motorcycle on it and the word is "ride" but Astrid surprised me today by holding the card and shouting "bike!"
And then tonight this happened:

Astrid was holding a card and jumping up and down and saying "jump" over and over again. Uwe and I were both in the family room watching her and smiling at her.

I turned to Uwe and said, "You know she's holding the jump card don't you?"

Ahhh the fun of raising a toddler. It almost makes up for the tantrums.